Magical Girl Hermione or(be careful what you sign up for)
by Supersilver46
Summary: At age six, Hermione Granger wanted nothing more than a sparkly dress and a magical kitty to make her she fills out an application to get a magical kitty, a sparkly dress, and the opportunity to become a magical girl. At age thirteen, she's rapidly regretting her decision...
1. Chapter 1

Hermione Granger was confused as she walked down the usual path she took to get home. For some reason, her parents had wanted her to come home early, which didn't give her a lot of time to talk with Harry and Ron about who could possibly be the Heir of Slytherin, though she had no idea what for. Maybe they were going somewhere, or maybe something happened, she didn't really know the answers to the questions she was asking herself. As she got to her house and opened the door, she called out,

"Mom, Dad, I'm home!"

She had to stop as she looked at the bizarre scene in front of her. Her parents were sitting at the table, intently looking at an brown cat that was currently downing a bottle of wine before letting out a loud belch.

"Ah..that hit the spot." The cat said as it threw the bottle to the ground. It turned around and saw Hermione standing in the doorway, "Oh hey it's you, would you close the door already-it's cold outside."

Hermione nodded and closed the door as she looked at the cat who sighed in relief. She sat next to her parents who were still frozen in shock as the cat continued to speak, "Well now that you're here Juliet..."

"It's Hermione," she interrupted the cat.

"Eh, close enough."

"Anyway," The cat continued, "I wanted to say congratulations, your application for magical girl training has been accepted!"

Hermione looked at the cat and turned back to look at her parents who were just as confused as she was.

"I'm sorry I have no idea what you're talking about." Hermione said. "I've never filled out an application like that, besides I'm already at school so..."

The cat frowned, "No I'm pretty sure you filled out an application, I even have it right here."

The cat then pulled out a sheet of paper from its fur and slid it in front of Hermione, who looked down at it.

 _Magical Girl Application_

 _Name: Hermione Granger  
Age: 6  
Reason for Applying?: I'd really like to have a magical kitty and a sparkly dress.  
Address: near the corner of Heathgate and Meadway  
Phone number: (020) 4808- 3177_

"This is when I was six, you can't possibly-" Hermione was interrupted by the cat,

"Sorry, no take backs, we're a very busy company." it said as it chugged down another bottle of wine, "Anyway I'm your partner now, the name's Crookshanks by the way, so you should hurry up and get ready."

"Ready for what?"

"For your training of course!" 


	2. Chapter 2

"Why are we out here?" Hermione asked Crookshanks for what felt like the hundredth time. The two of them were perched in a tree overlooking a nearby doughnut shop. After Crookshanks had forced her to come along with him, they had been perched in a tree for two hours, and she was starting to get tired. Her parents had been no help either, as they simply told her to;

"Come back home before midnight."

Truly, they were the best parents ever, 10 out of 10 for effort. As Hermione lamented the choices that had led her to this point, Crookshanks eventually finished off his bottle of wine and tossed it to the ground, where it shattered to a million green pieces.

"That's littering you know," Hermione said, "You could get fined for that."

Crookshanks gave her a cocky smirk, "You do realize I'm a cat, for all intents and purpose they'll most likely blame you," he said. "Such a shame that the youth of today doesn't care about protecting mother earth, it makes me so sad!"

The door to the dougnut shop opened and a man stumbled out of the store, loudly shouting to anyone who could hear him, "Hell yeah I'm so drunk I think I'm going to rob a bank!" The man then took a step forward before face planting and vomiting on top of that. The people who were close to him took a wide berth around the vomit puddle, no one bothered to help him or call the police, after all it wasn't their problem, someone else would inevitably take care of him. "Ugh, shit I think I'm super sick..."

The man then began to cough harshly, doubling over to a fetal position as wisps of black smog floated into his mouth. The smog floated into the air where it formed together to create a puppet that wore a blue cloak and had a straw hat on.

"Heehee, first I'm going to take over this doughnut shop, then all the doughnut shops in the world!" The puppet shouted, "No one can stop me, Larry the puppet, from taking over the world, mwuhahahaha!"

"Oh whoa man, is that a talking puppet?" A teenager said as he took a whiff from a pipe,"Man, unless someone stops him he'll take over the doughnut shops, and then the world!"

"Oh well you heard, him." Crookshanks said, "Go stop Larry."

Hermione turned from the bizarre scene to glare at Crookshanks, "How exactly am I supposed to do that?!" she shouted. "You haven't exactly been, 'training' me, and I can't use magic outside of school."

Crookshanks then reached into his fur and handed her a red wand, "Here you go, remember to say the words that are written on the wand, oh and make a cute pose or two."

"The words on the wand, what does that have to do with-"

"Can't talk right now, I just spotted me a Persian babe, see you later!"

Crookshanks leapt off the tree and rushed off to chat with the 'babe' he had just seen.

"Hey, where are you going, aren't you supposed to help me?!" Hermione shouted after Crookshanks, she sighed and then looked at the red wand. Engraved on the wooden surface was the words, "Transform, Princess Belle?"

Hermione was then enveloped in a bright light, as music began to play in the background, a frilly pink dress replaced the clothes she was wearing, along with pink heels, and blue earnings formed on her ears.

"What the hell?" She asked herself when it was all over. She then promptly ended up losing her balance and fell off the tree and hit the ground.

"Ow..."

She pulled herself up to her feet as Larry turned to face her, "Ah, I see," Larry said, "You're trying to get in my way, well I won't let you stop me Princess Belle!"

Suddenly Larry's arms morphed into semi-automatic rifles, and Hermione had a sinking feeling in the bottom of her chest.

"Have at you!"

.

.  
"And so I told him, 'Get lost you overgrown wannabe weasel, this one's mine!'" Crookshanks as he tried to (unsuccessfully) woo the girl he had seen. Suddenly he heard bursts of gunfire, and a loud scream as he saw his partner get sent flying back into a nearby store. "Don't worry partner, you're doing great!" He shouted, before turning back to the girl he was chatting up,

"You know I trained her, doesn't that make me awesome?!"


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione crashed through the window of a nearby store before slamming her head against a cash register, surprising the worker who was just about to pocket a few of the bills.

"Oh, um...are you okay?" the worker said. "By the way, I totally wasn't trying to steal money."

Hermione groaned in pain, as Larry flew into the store. Over the course of the 'fight' she found out that in addition to semi-automatic rifles with infinite ammo, he also had grenade launchers strapped to his back, and a jet pack. She wouldn't be surprised if he could suddenly shoot lasers out of his eyes, his powers were that ridiculous. The worker looked from Hermione to the puppet, to Hermione again.

"Well, I can see you two are busy so I'll just..." The worker grabbed the cash register and dashed through the door, Larry snorted as he looked down at Hermione.

"Well, it seems as if it's just the two of us," he said, "Well then I suppose we should continue our fight."

"Actually," Hermione pushed herself to her feet, "How about we just talk this out like a rational human and a puppet?"

"Hmm, let me think about that." Larry said.

Larry arms morphed into multiple guns that were stacked on top of one another, and large cannon burst out of his chest.

"How about no?"

.

Crookshanks held a hand on his nose as he staggered towards the store Hermione had crashed into. Who knew that Persians could hit so hard, and all he did was be a polite gentleman! Rubbing against a girl was the ultimate form of flattery, clearly she just wasn't good enough for him, there were plenty of fish in the sea! Crookshanks then jump in surprise as purple beams shot through the roof of the store, before it collapsed entirely into rubble. Crookshanks wasn't sure what to do at first, but then he rushed over to the store to see if he could find his partner. It took him a while, but eventually he found a head with brown hair, and recoiled in shock.

"Oh no!" He cried, "Hermione's been killed!"

He then pounded the ground in anger, "Damnit this is the tenth one that's died this week!" At this rate he'd never be able to get a promotion! He wouldn't be surprised if his bosses just decided to let him go, even though none of this was even his fault! The humans were just pathetic and couldn't even throw a punch, he'd even taken precious time out of his day to train them! He'd could imagine what that stupid jerk up in HR would say, and he bet the HR manager would hand his office over to that stupid weasel. His head perked up as an idea formed in his mind, actually he could probably get away with this, all he'd have to do is make a doll that looked like her and then...

"Hahaha, alright then I can definitely rise my way to the top!" Crookshanks rubbed his hands together, "Sayonara Hermione, 'tis a shame you died, but then again you're named after a tragic character so..."

Crookshanks turned to leave but he was suddenly picked up off the ground, oh crap was it Larry, was he going to be killed?! Crookshanks closed his eyes tightly, he hadn't even reached his goal yet!

"Hey Crookshanks, where do you think you're going?" His captor said in an irritated fashion.

Crookshanks opened his eyes, after all he knew that voice.

"Oh, you're alive!" He said, before remembering the things he had just said before, "Er...you know Hermione I think of you as a valuable frien-"

"Just shut up." Hermione said as she dropped him to the ground.

Crookshanks shook the dust off himself, before turning to face Hermione, "Wait how are you alive, I thought you died?" he asked.

"Well..."

.

"Nyahahahaha!" Larry shouted as he fired everything at Hermione, who screamed as she tried to avoid the beams, "That's right scream!"

Hermione found herself rapidly regretting ever signing that application as a purple beam nearly decapitated her as it shot a hole through the store's wall, exposing it's support beams. Wait a minute...an idea rapidly formed in her mind and she turned around towards Larry, who blinked in surprise before shrugging and fired at her. She dogged most of the gunfire and beam attacks as she leapt into the air. Larry frowned and aimed at her, shooting the roof with one of his beam attacks. Hermione landed behind him and motioned for a 'time-out'

"Hey Larry," Hermione said, "How much do you weigh?"

Larry blinked at the surprise question, "30 pounds why?"

"And how many pounds can you hold up?"

"10, what are you even..."

Larry then looked up at the crumbling ceiling, "Oh."

Larry was then crushed by the falling rubble as Hermione quickly dashed out of the building.

.

"Huh..." Crookshanks frowned, most of the girls died whenever they met Larry, at least that's what he thought. Was there a chance that most of the girls he thought had died under his watch actually be alive, and were they potentially planning revenge against him? Should he mention that to Hermione?

.

Elsewhere in a dark room, a TV broadcasted the fight between Larry and Hermione, in the corner of a room, a bundle of darts were plunged into a picture of a brown cat. The person in the room who was watching the TV threw another dart at the photo of the cat, ripping it in two as they plotted their revenge...

.

Nah, that'd never happen, at all. Crookshanks thought to himself, he'd even bet his collection of the finest wine known to man on it!

"So I can I quit?" Hermione asked.

"No, sorry, we've got a shortage of magical girls, so we really can't spare anyone quitting right now," Crookshanks said.

Hermione was confused, "Hold on, you put that application in the newspaper, surely there's more magical girls?"

"Er, they're off fighting a jelly monster in space, so you can't quit." Crookshanks didn't mention that said girls had been killed(which may or may not be his fault), that'd scare her off, and he was determined to see this through to the end. He wanted that Best Employee of the Year award damnit!

"Anyway we should probably get home, the media'll have a field day with you."

Hermione sighed and the two of them trudged back home... 


	4. Chapter 4

"So, Hermione..." Her father said as she got back home from fighting Larry, "How'd it go with the whole...magical girl thing?"

"It went really well!" Crookshanks said, "There's nothing you have to worry with me arro-ow!"

"He was asking me you know," Hermione said after she dropped Crookshanks to the ground, "Well dad, it didn't go well."

"Oh, so how bad was it?"

"Well I nearly died multiple times tonight, I witnessed a robbery, got shot at..."

"Ah, that sounds really bad." Her father said.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So is that really all you're going to say?" Hermione said as she crossed her arms, clearly irritated.

"Er, sorry I'm just a little out of it," Her father said, "Seeing a talking cat kind of...freaked me out a bit."

Her father then tried to smile, "At least I'm taking it better than your mother!"

Hermione tilted her head to see that her mother was still in the dinning room, it seemed as if she hadn't left the room since Hermione left.

"Talking cats exist...what the hell...a talking cat..." Hermione's mother muttered to herself as she rocked back and forth in her chair, clearly effected by seeing a talking cat.

"Yeah, I think she's gone insane now..." Her father said as he scratched at his cheek, "We might need to check her into a mental hospital."

Hermione glared at him, and he sheepishly raised his hands, "What I was joking!"

Hermione sighed, and dragged Crookshanks up to her room while her father tried to drag her mother back to reality.

As soon as she got into her room she locked the door behind her and glared at Crookshanks,

"So what did you mean by, 'This is the tenth one that's died this week?'" Hermione asked him. Crookshanks began to sweat as he tried to think up of a lie that would make him sound good, while at the same time keep her from trying to quit.

"Er, you see this job is really dangerous, and though I've tried my hardest I can't keep everyone alive," Crookshanks began, "I've actually become quite depressed over this, and I drink cheap wine to help me forget the pain."

"Really?" Hermione said skeptically.

"Oh god, the pain is too much for me at times!" Crookshanks cried, "That's why I didn't train you because you reminded me of all the other girls who died under my watch."

"..."

"And so that's why I chose you, Hermione, I wanted a shot a redemption!"

"..."

"So please Hermione," Crookshanks gave her his best teary eyed look(trademarked), "Will you help a poor soul like me get a shot at redemption?"

"No."

"What?! And after I spilled my guts out to you!"

"You mean after you tried to come up with a story to manipulate me into helping you," Hermione said, "After I already saw you trying to abandon me when you thought I was dead."

"Agh!"

 _Damn it, this is why I hate work with preteens, they're not as easy to manipulate as six year olds!_ Crookshanks thought to himself as he rapidly tried to come up with another excuse.

"I-I'll admit that was stupid of me," he said, "But there's a reason I need your help you see there's this great threat that's coming to destroy earth."

"Really."

"Yes and it's name is uh, Walpurgis Day!" Crookshanks shouted in desperation, "And it's being controlled by wicked man known as, um, Tom Riddle!"

"I think you have to lie better than that." Hermione said. "Really, 'Walpurgis Day'? 'Tom Riddle'?"

"Uh I think Riddle goes by a different name now, I think he calls himself Moldemort or something?" Crookshanks said.

"You mean You-know-who?" Hermione asked. "Wait his real name is Tom Riddle?"

"Er, yeah You-Know-Who is planning on using Walpurgis Day's power to uh," Crookshanks looked away as he tried to remember the name the wizzards gave to kids who weren't purebloods, "Wipe out all muggleborns on the planet, and then force the muggles into indentured servitude."

Hermione was silent for a while before speaking up, "And there's no one else who can do this?"

"Er, well most of them are out in space remember?"

Hermione sighed, "Fine I'll help, but after we're done-I quit."

Crookshanks shook his head, "Alright then, how about it then-are we partners?" He held out his paw, and Hermione shook it.

"Partners."

.

.

.

And so winter break came and went, Hermione was dropped off at the platform along with Crookshanks who was perched on top of her shoulder. She got a few strange looks as she traveled on the platform, and Crookshanks glared at a man who was walking alongside her,

"What, you've never seen a cat before?" He asked.

The man was so surprised he ended up walking straight into a pole, and collapsed on the ground in fear. The man pointed fearfully at the cat on her shoulder,

"T-talking c-cat..." The man stuttered.

Hermione quickly shook her head, "Um no it's actually a toy, I'm a huge fan of them," She said. "All you have to do is press down on its head and it'll say something."

Hermione hit Crookshanks on the head with her fist,

"Ow!" Crookshanks shouted, "What the hell are you-"

"See sir, it's an ordinary toy!" Hermione interrupted him, "Nothing to worry about!"

"O-oh I see..." The man said as he stumbled to his feet, "I've worked for so long, I'm starting to imagine things..."

The man then stumbled away, bumping into multiple people as he left the station. Hermione sighed in relief and glared at Crookshanks,

"What do you think you're doing; you can't just talk to people like that!" She hissed at him, "You'll freak people out!"

Crookshanks shrugged, "Eh, whatever, so are you getting on the train or what?"

Hermione sighed and put her things away before climbing onto the train. She opened the door to the room she, Harry, and Ron usually stayed in and waited for the other two to show up. Eventually, she heard the door slide open, and the two boys entered the room, though Ron was rapidly reading a newspaper for some reason. It was the most she had seen him read in the two years that she had known him; she was almost impressed that he was taking the time to read.

"Hey Hermione, have you seen this?" Ron said as he shoved the newspaper in front of her face. She took the newspaper and blinked as she found herself on the front page of the paper. The newspaper was an article written about her, and how she had fought Larry the night she had met Crookshanks. The minister himself had even commented on her actions, calling her a glorified faker who couldn't understand the complexities of 'real' magic.

"I wonder who that girl is." Harry said, "I don't think I've ever seen her around Hogwarts before."

"Yeah, I've never seen her either," Ron said, "Maybe she's a first year."

Hermione frowned, "Really you guys can't tell who it is?"

Harry and Ron shook their heads.

"Wait do you know who it is Hermione?" Ron asked in shock, "You should tell us if you know."

"It's me Ron, the girl in the photo is me." Hermione said.

Harry and Ron looked at each other for a few seconds, and then burst into laughter.

"That's a really funny joke Hermione," Harry said, "There's no way that could be you."

"Yeah," Ron nodded his head in agreement, "After all you're not as pretty as that girl in the ph-ow!"

Ron rubbed his shoulder and winced in pain after Hermione hit him on the shoulder.

"Alright fine, I'll show you then," Hermione pulled out her wand and yelled, "Transform!Princess Belle!"

Now in her magical girl outfit, Hermione turned to face Harry and Ron, "Okay now do you believe me-"

"Woah, I think I've gone blind Harry," Ron said as he waved in front of him, "I can't see anything!"

For his part, Harry was hunched over near the corner of the compartment and vomiting, eventually Ron's eyesight returned and Harry stopped vomiting.

"Whoa, when did she get here?!" Ron asked in surprise, "And where did Hermione go?"

Hermione groaned in frustration and transformed back.

"Whoa, where did that girl go?!"


End file.
